finally getting help for lifelong depression, personality disorders and anxiety disorders.

how the fuck do i hide this when it’s spring and warm. why am i so fucking dumb.
i cut myself tonight and i feel really dumb for going backwards so far

I forget how im useless to everyone but i remembered today. nobody needs me around. like properly needs for anything. im so unnecessary. i don’t have anything to offer but half a bland personality and being a burden. why do i keep waking up alive.

i don’t think i can ever get over my ex. now that he’s gone i can only see all the good things in him that i can’t find in anyone else. he liked me even with all my gross or weird bad habits. he would sit for hours doing something dumb like playing a word game or cards with me. he was thin and muscly and sexy and im never going to have someone like that again. i just want to die i can’t see any point in life if j have to endure the rest of it alone wishing i hadn’t ruined my relationship with him.

I don’t know how to stop beingsoannoying for people

it’s fucked that the only people who actually check on me are the people who want to fuck me

back in the hole just want to kill myself and no one gives a shit now they’ve seen me get better for a month they know i can do it so they don’t give a fucl that im sad again so im at the end of my rope im going to quit my job and go on the dole and waste away into nothing and disappear

I don’t think anyone cares but im finally getting better. i moved house, me ex cut me off as a friend, my meds are working. i think i can recover after 27 years.